Criticism - Receiving (The Hard Part)

September 2008

Criticism, as was pointed out in my last column (August 2008), is a loaded word.  Although the role of critic is an ancient and respected one, today’s culture has left the word with connotations that are mostly negative.  Most of us are quick to spot mistakes; however, few of us are as open to receiving criticism.

  • Receiving Criticism

    • Nothing is harder. For that very reason, we must carefully and sensitively dispense criticism. Many leaders have particular difficulty in listening to criticism about themselves or their organization, and yet this ability should be characteristic of every Christian leader. It is hard to accept personal criticism, because what we do often overwhelms who we are, leaving us with little identity outside of our jobs. A constructive criticism of our actions often is misinterpreted as a direct attack upon who we are.

    When people criticize us, we need to make sure we are hearing what is being said. It is difficult for most people to criticize a leader and often, when they finally do it, it is in the midst of an emotional outburst which tends to amplify what is being said. This is why it is best not to immediately respond to such criticism, but attempt to clarify with such sentences as, “What I hear you saying is …” If the criticism is justified, the best response is to thank this person and, if necessary, ask their forgiveness.

  • Seeking Criticism

    • We need to seek constructive criticism from responsible people, to really ask for it and look for those who can help us. We can do this through our colleagues, through friends and, sometimes, by asking our leader or supervisor, who may not find it easy to regularly give constructive criticism.
    Don’t overlook your spouse. This is a delicate area, and yet our husband or wife is the person who normally knows more about us than any other person in the world.

  • Self-Criticism

    • We need to set aside the time and make the plans to do this. We should periodically review what we are doing, how we are doing things, and what part of what we are doing could be delegated or even eliminated. All of this speaks to our need for writing personal goals, journaling our thoughts and reflections, and having scheduled times of evaluation of ourselves against our stated goals. In the ReFocus process we encourage everyone to schedule time for reflection, evaluation, and renewal as part of their monthly calendars.

  • Destructive Criticism

    • From time to time every Christian leader or Christian organization will be faced with criticism which is destructive, either because it is wrong or because of the manner in which it is delivered. There are a number of alternatives for dealing with criticism. Often the most useful is to acknowledge the fact that you hear it but refuse to respond to it. On a personal level, this may mean a response something like, “I’m sorry that you feel that way, however, I …”

    One of the most effective ways to deal with destructive criticism on a one-to-one basis is to assume that the speaker may have some grain of truth in what he is saying and agree with him. In simple terms, own up to mistakes. Allow people to hold you accountable for your actions. Don’t select “yes men” to hold you accountable, because most often, they can’t. Seek out someone you trust to remain focused and impartial.

    Notice that I didn’t say, aloof. This person or persons must be leaders in their own right. They can, and often, will be the first to make right something gone awry. Look for a positive response in all criticism. Rather than deny what may have been unjustly said, it is better to affirm the situation and perspective of the one bringing about the accusation. Again, timing is important. Sometimes it is best to wait and see if the destructive criticism is actually accepted by others before attempting a response.

    Remember that we, as followers of Jesus, are accountable to each other and as such should always find ways to build up one another rather than diminish or tear others down. I have found that there are two kinds of leaders; those that build up and grow followers and those that tear down and consume followers. I pray that God richly bless you as mature in your role as a leader of His people.

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