Losing Lustful Passions

April 2010

Pornography is the most lucrative business on the Internet. The vendors of lust are raking in the dough by the truck full by capitalizing on human brokenness. A close second in popularity on the Internet, not for lucrative purposes, is religion. Ironic? Enigmatic?

Sexuality and spirituality are no strangers. They have been bedfellows (pardon the pun) for a long time. The relationship between the two is entrenched in the Old Testament: Ashtoreth and Baal reigned as king and queen of lustful behavior in pagan religions.

In this article, I will not give techniques to avoid lusting. Techniques may work periodically but unless change happens deep within, techniques lack staying power. What sticks when it comes to dealing with lust? I am convinced that the solution is found in understanding and living a theology of human relationships.

The problem with lust is basically a problem of relationships. It is a problem of using others for the purpose of self-gratification rather than adding value to their lives. We must realize that at the core of lust is a deep disfigurement of life with God in his kingdom on earth as it is in heaven.

We need a helpful theology of human relationships that overcomes death by lust. We must no longer take for granted that we know how to love others as we love ourselves, and God with all our being. Without a godly vision of others, it is easy to default to our selfish human natures and mar all we use.

What then does a theology of human relationships include? How does such a theology help us deal with unbridled human sexual passions?

We get our theology of human relationships from the way God relates to his people.  God relates to humanity in such a way as to add value and dignity to them. It is never God’s intention to rob us of our dignity or cause us to lose our own dignity in relationships.

First, God relates to us with unbounded love. His love knows no limits. It is not exclusive. It is not bound by a return on investment. His love is sacrificial for the purpose of adding value and dignity to his creation. His love is redeeming and edifying. The deep change that needs to take place in the lustful heart is seeing others (friend or stranger alike) as bearers of the image of God worthy of a love that is pure and holy. There is nothing like unconditional love to elevate our respect and honor of others. This is the love that God gives us. This is the love we must not quench by lust. Lust chips away at the image of God in us and in others. It disfigures as it turns loving beings into objects. It hammers in us the nails of selfishness and self-gratification at the expense of the dignity of others. Loving others who are made in the image of God is the first claw that pulls away at the rusty nails of lust.

Second, God relates to us with grace. He favors us and enables us to do what we cannot do in our own strength. His favor is unearned. His grace is empowering in our weakness. Likewise in learning to put to death the deadly sin of lust, we must treat others (all image bearers) with favor and with enablement. The lustful heart treats others without dignity. It contributes nothing to others. It only has human weakness for ally. In order for transformation to take place, a deep renewing of the mind must take place in confession, brokenness, and repentance, within the confines and with the help of a mature community of believers. Flannery O’Connor said, in the Habit of Being, “all human nature vigorously resists grace because grace changes us and grace is painful.”

Third, God relates to us intimately. A holy intimacy! God has gone out of his way to reveal who he is. He has done so in nature, through chosen leaders, prophets, priests, kings, a people, and finally Jesus and his church. In counseling with others about lusting I have come to understand that there is a deep yearning for intimacy with men and women who are hooked on lust. The search for gratifying human lust is a deceptive mask. It masks a deep hunger and thirst for intimacy with God gone awry. I have seen those afflicted by lust reform their ways and work at reshaping their hearts and minds when they finally realized that they are looking for intimacy with God in the wrong ways and in the wrong places. When a person is hooked on a lustful lifestyle we must look closely at their spiritual lives in order to discover their longing for intimacy with God. And with the discovery rebuild their intimacy with God through a spiritual formation process.

Unconditional love, grace that favors and empowers, and intimacy are the components of a theology of human relationships. This is God’s way of relating to us. It must be the way we relate to others. But this kind of relating is learned when it is taught, and modeled by godly leaders and friends who are willing to invest in others. Those who walk with the Master must not walk the narrow path alone. They must walk with others in holiness and purity learning and teaching the taming of the shrew of lust.

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