The Baptist Digest

Why Every Leader Needs A Mentor

February 2011

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”  —Maya Angelou        
It’s tough enough being a leader in the church, given the high expectations folks have for you, but it’s twice as hard if you try to do it without solid outside care and support. However, a mentor can make a difficult experience into an exhilarating and positive adventure. Guidance is a gracious word embracing empathy and unselfishness, and we all need some of it!

On the other side of the coin, going it alone can spell unintended disaster!

Here are three reasons why acquiring a mentor might be the best decision you ever make. Only extreme narcissism would cause someone to go it alone.

Objectivity
We all believe at some level that we know ourselves pretty well—that we are aware of all our little quirks and mannerisms. The reality is that, “It just ‘taint so!” Borrowing from 1 Corinthians 13, we tend to know ourselves as “through a glass, darkly” at best. If we believe we are objective about ourselves, we may be ignorantly “battling” the potential for real change and purposeful Christ-like development.

From the beginning of my life as a disciple of Jesus I have always looked for and cultivated a relationship with a go-to person for wise counsel. Sometimes that person was a chaplain, sometimes my wife, sometimes a fellow soldier, but always it was someone who cared about me and wanted me to prosper and succeed. One of my mentors was a colleague some 30 years ago in service and ministry. Eddy was my senior in years of age and I loved him like a brother and cherished him as a friend.

On one occasion as we walked together along a dusty tank trail he said, “Many people believe that military leadership is all about giving orders and expecting instant obedience. And some are convinced that if there is any hesitation in compliance, time in the brig is inevitable.” Like a big brother, he went on to remind me that God places before us opportunities to lead.

And then said, “Leaders care about the people they lead and mission accomplishment.”  I had struggled with balancing these very issues.

I’ll never forget it. I began to cloud up, mostly because I had never felt so known and knew beyond a doubt that he cared for me.

When reassignment orders arrived, I told him that I regretted this part of military life. “Well,” he said, “If I mean so much to you, I guess you’re just going to have to be me wherever God takes you.”

It was in that one moment that I understood the importance of having a mentor and being a mentor. In the world today we all need the touch of another.

Street-Smarts
The best mentors have wounds, and some of them are whoppers! A mentor who is perfect (or pretends to be perfect) is little use to anyone. After all, it’s not what people know that’s important—it’s what they’ve learned. When selecting an objective mentor, what you need is his or her experience, not knowledge. Knowledge can be acquired from a book, but experience can only be gained from those who have learned from their own failures and shortcomings. We all need to hear from these people. They can save us from steep learning curves and “stinkin’ thinkin,” as AA folks would say. Deep trench experience is always better than head smarts when moving forward with your own life. For one thing, it will give you the gift of forgiving yourself when you fall short of your own expectations!

Confirmation
Will Rogers use to say that he had never met a man he didn’t like. I think we can be reasonably sure that Mr. Rogers was a serious affirmer! Affirmation, next to telling others about Jesus, is the single greatest gift to others we can give in life. Affirmation and confirmation are closely tied. Confirmation, from its Latin root means to make firm. When we come across broken people, our primary duty is to stabilize them—to do emotional triage, if you will—in order to bring them back to life. I’m not talking about trying to solve their problem or save them, because that rarely works and is not necessarily appropriate. No, I’m referring to the ability to affirm the thing that seems to be strongest in that person, helping them to get centered and retrieve a more confident outlook.

Good mentors know how to do this! They don’t save—they encourage!

If you would like to know more about leading and mentoring contact me at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) or (316) 204-7889.

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I thought you might like this column I read at baptistdigest.com. "Why Every Leader Needs A Mentor" “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”  —Maya Angelou         It’s tough enough being a leader in the church, given the high expectations folks have for you, but it’s twice as hard if you try to do it without solid outside care and support. However, a mentor can make a difficult experience into an exhilarating and positive adventure. Guidance is a gracious word embracing empathy and unselfishness, and we all need some of it! You can read the rest here: http://www.baptistdigest.com/archive/column/why_every_leader_needs_a_mentor/